Meet “Magnolia Fall” (anonymous). Magnolia was just following the behavior she saw in the streets when she began using opioids. But she committed to a recovery journey when she realized she had to become a role model for her kids. They were at risk of following her behavior, and she was at risk of losing them to the Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS). She had to heal to take her dignity and family back.
Stock photos. Posed by model.
Growing Up with Drugs
My opioid abuse began by watching other people indulge in the streets. It started at a young age and my use went on for at least ten years. I was exposed to the world of drugs in 1991 after having my first child. I was so heavily under the influence of drugs because everyone around me knew I was using and I chose to believe that no one knew except for the people that I was using with.
Fighting Opioid Addiction for My Children
It wasn’t until 1994 after my second child that I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I was in the child welfare system with both of my children due to my drug use. I completed an outpatient program¹ and ended up re-enrolling because I was so scared and not ready to be let go and face the world without drugs.
I’m so grateful that I was allowed to complete the outpatient program the second time because if I hadn’t, I know I would have gone back to the streets and been lost. In 1996, my cases with the Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS) were terminated and I regained custody of my two children and my case was terminated. In 2000, I gave birth to my third child clean and sober and it was one of the best feelings in the world.
I thought my upbringing was normal and that I would never need to turn to drug use.
I wish people would understand that for generations, we have been living with pain and most of us are unaware of it and may not know how to reach out for help. SHAREWe also may be embarrassed.
The Moment I Decided to Heal
My groundbreaking moment was with myself. From the past experience of feeling humiliated, embarrassed, mad, sad, hurt, and any other feeling that you can think of, I knew that I did not EVER want to feel that way again. I had no control over the two children that I gave birth to at the time. So I said to myself, I can show them better than I can tell them. NO ONE, especially DCFS will ever take my dignity away from me again.
¹Outpatient treatment: Treatment provided at a facility. The services vary but do not include overnight accommodation. Sometimes it is prescribed after inpatient treatment.
If anyone feels like they are facing opioid misuse and needs help, please call SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357), a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service in English and Spanish.
