Getting Over Relapse And Getting Back To Recovery

Growing up in a household with both parents, four siblings, and being the youngest, I experienced the overwhelming feelings of being the black sheep and never being good enough. It was the very beginning of self-destruction and my introduction to the fast life and the streets where many others and I were more alike than different. My journey and substance abuse begin at the early age of 12. I encountered many tragedies and I also enjoyed life and making fast money by any means necessary. I was truly grateful that the state of New York where I live has a great support system and many detox and inpatient treatments but unfortunately, I wasn’t ready to quit. I attended more than eight treatment facilities over the course of 20 years of smoking crack cocaine. I came to the point in my life where I was tired of being tired of being tired of being tired. My mother passed away, I was expecting my 8th child, and was not going to allow the system, CPS, to take my child like they have done with all my other children.

I wish people knew that being a Black woman by itself is very hard and to be a Black woman with a substance abuse habit is extremely hard. Click To Tweet

Commitment to Recovery for My Children

I fought as hard as I could to show the family court system and everyone else who had doubted me that I was going to become that mother I once was to my children. After proving myself and sometimes staying clean while living in a woman’s facility in New York state and getting full custody of my baby girl and my other children I realized, under no circumstances, do I have to find an excuse to use any controlled substance ever again.

I started off by having back surgery, and I liked the feeling the pills gave me. I would go through my prescription in a few days and then get them off the street. My family really supported me but I lied to get money and then finally told them the truth. I went to rehab and that really helped me to identify the reasons I actually used, that it is common and not only white people do it.

There is no shame in getting help or even being addicted, you didn't choose this life. Click To Tweet

I decided one day that it wasn’t worth it anymore, that I could handle the feelings I was suppressing and it’s okay to feel. I didn’t have to numb out with pills.

I grew up in the church so I knew opioid use wasn’t right but some things are harder to fight than others. Knowing this, it took a while before actually coming to terms with it ruining me financially and physically.

I turned to a friend, a recovered addict, and for over 23 years now I have been guided in the right steps. At such a young age, I could’ve been corrupted but God had other plans.

Times are hard and it’s only made harder when you’re judged. It becomes easier and less complicated to turn to drugs because they don’t judge you.

Recovery came when I began to love myself, know my worth, and believe that I deserved better and only God can judge me. Click To Tweet